Friday, February 26, 2010

Doesn’t that privilege of intimate conversation with God make it plain that you are not a slave, but a child? And if you are a child, you’re also an heir, with complete access to the inheritance.

galatians 4.7

"I think about what a privilege it is to get to talk to God like my children talk to me. To feel FREE to ask questions that might be silly, make requests that might be selfish and share my heart, my dreams, my hopes without embarrassment. Too often I don’t just have open dialogue with Him because, well He’s God. But when I see it in the context of this verse and am aware of the conversations I love for my kids to have with me, I realize I don’t have to worry about being silly or foolish or shy or embarrassed or selfish or fearful or censored in my dialogue with God. I am His child. We just talk. Being CHILDLIKE makes every thing so much more simple." [taken from here]

oh how far i fall from the truth of this all. how far i am from the understanding that i am heard and loved by the God of all creation. i know my heart...i know its evil all too well.

i was inspired this morning to write down the things i am afraid of...
the things that cause fear. here is what i have so far in textEdit:

"what am i afraid of? . . . . .."

that's all i have. i can't seem to work past that.
it's as if i'm afraid to put to words the things my heart most fears.
because then i feel as if i'm responsible to do something about those fears.
it's as if i am scared to put myself out there and work through them.

the majority of my fears lie in relationships.
and disappointment in myself. and not being made right.
but i do know that i am made right in the presence and power of Christ.
so where is the disconnect?

friends...what are you afraid of?
have you worked through it?
have you attempted?
have you avoided it all together [much like myself]?

i know it's a healthy thing to do. yet i feel as though to work through all of these things, that 'privilege of intimate conversation with God' needs to surround me. and it's not. i want to be there. i want to know that again.

sweet Jesus. take this hard hard heart and make it soft.
speak to me Lord but also...let me speak to You.

i am a wreck.
your love never fails


  1. I'm scared of losing friends (in the aspect of, broken friendships - because it happened harshly last semester). I'm scared I won't have a career when I graduate. I'm scared I'm going to have to amputate something when I'm old because my diabetes is whacko. I'm scared of dogs (true story, not as serious as the others, but had to lighten it up).

    "Perfect love casts out all fear."

    God loves me, He loves you. Hebrews 11:1 is my favorite verse, and lately it's been what I've been working on. I know friends fade, and it will be hard, but God is always always always there. God has a plan (Jer 29:11), I know He's not going to leave me homeless. I have a chaotic, hectic, sometimes completely screwed up life... He is the only perfect thing I have in my life. And that gives me so much peace. He will bring me out of my troubles. I don't know how people who don't follow God live sometimes, if everything is falling apart in their lives... they have to fix it. I have the peace of knowing HE controls my life

  2. Your post made me think of Patty Griffin's song "No Bad News." She says:

    And we won't be afraid, we won't be afraid, and though the darkness may come our way
    We won't be afraid to be alive anymore
    And we'll grow kindness in our hearts for all the strangers among us
    Till there are no strangers anymore

    I have plenty of fears (I'll save those for in person) but I think it's a scary thing to be fully alive. It's a rarity and wonderful surprise to meet someone who deeply wants, deeply rejoices and deeply laments.