Thursday, February 11, 2010

it's a winding road.

when i listen to the theme from the movie indecent proposal [which i have never actually seen] i feel as though the story of my life is being set to music. and perhaps that's a bit of a dramatic thought but the song, from the very first time my ears heard it, has influenced me to dig deeper into this story that i'm in. this story is my life.

i'm reading donald millers latest book, a million miles in a thousand years, and he's currently diving deep into what 'makes' a story. what are the concepts that are required to form a story and even a little bit further...what is it that's required for a good story.

he discusses a couple of thoughts but then he brings up this poignant thought:

"if the point of life is the same as the point of a story, the point of life is character transformation." [page 68]

if the point of life is character transformation then i've been going through one intense story the past six months. my life was flipped upside down when i walked down that aisle and married the man i love. we got married, we spent 6 days in florida. we came back, packed my stuff up and i moved to canada. new city. new church. none of my friends. none of my family. new new new.

all of this to say this: while the outside life i was living was obviously changing, the transformation happening within was hardcore. i have been stretched and i have been challenged. i learned what it means to persevere in the trials that are set before me.

moments of profound sadness and loneliness were coupled with moments of such extraordinary joy and wholeness with the man i love. it has been a gray season. darkness and light have had a strange relationship in my heart.

this life as a new wife has been crazier than i ever thought. using the words of a facebook friends status:

i can be such a monster to josh. so humiliating when it's over. i need the fruits of the spirit.

in the many many many ways i feel i have failed over and over and over, this man who stood before me and committed his life to mine has upheld his end of the bargain so well. his gentleness is astonishing. i am digging more into what a tender wife looks like and praying for Jesus' sweet revolution of love in my heart. i need Him in His FULLNESS to come and mess up my heart and transform. i seek and desire to know peace in all circumstances.

it's been 6 months and 5 days since i said "i do" to josh.
we have both failed. we have both triumphed.
now, more than ever, i am absolutely committed to...

putting aside my expectations and replacing them with joy because God has given me a gift...a husband who would lay down his life for mine.
putting aside my inpatience and replacing it with humility because the Lord loves me and my husband loves me.
putting all of my ridiculous comments and replacing them with a gentle spirit because i know that huge plank in my own eyes still exists.

ephesians 4.31

josh and i have been trying to go through the book of matthew because our hearts want to have a deeper understand of who Jesus was and what He did and how He moved and what He has called us to do. we believe that God is once again stirring up plans for us to 'go' and serve. there is a sense of urgency in our hearts but we understand that it must be coupled with the will of the Sovereign One.

if we're going to go and serve and love and be the hands and feet [oh what a humbling call...] we need to know the Scriptures. thank you Jesus for putting desires on our hearts. without them, we'd be so lost.

i'm all of a sudden feeling quite done with writing tonight.
but this is more than i've accomplished in quite some time.
leave your comments. i always enjoy reading them. and i also enjoy being linked to your blog and probably your friends and their friends and so on. josh makes fun of me for reading random peoples blogs but come on...we all do it. i think? (:

i'll leave you with some pictures from the past month and a half.

many blessings friends.

new years eve 2009

my sister ashley and i

josh gained a wife and his first sister on august 7th.

happy 6 months babe

what a blessing he is to me.

"beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another."
1 john 4.11


  1. I really like that character transformation quote. I moved down to WT, no friends or family... and I did some slight changes. But it wasn't until last summer that I really started changing - to who God wanted me to be. And when you said needing to know the Scriptures for when you serve... I've had such a heart for reading His word the past two months, and I'm going on a mission trip over spring break and serving at a conference center in New Mexico all summer, but I had never really thought about how much His word impacts my spirit while I serve. I'll be praying for you and Josh :)

  2. and dear sister, it will always be a road we have to choose, this road of love and committment. there will always be room for growth. but with failure, falling short, disagreeing, misunderstanding, there always comes an opportunity for deeper understanding, a closer connection, a sweet vulnerability, and most of all, a love that goes beyond with the man to whom you said "I do." a love that grows with every year and learns from each other, and a love that will always persevere. love to YOU this Valentine's!!!