Wednesday, April 21, 2010

negative guarantee.

nothing is promised to me

and yet i live as though i am invincible

i know the fragility of life

my eyes have seen it
my hands have held it
my heart has felt it

we simply are not promised that the harsh words spoken today can be apologized for tomorrow...why is it that the pure and great gift of life is taken advantage of

tonight i mourn the loss of a man i did not know...
through the words of his BRAVE and LOVING wife,
my heart has softened a little bit

the man that is sleeping soundly in the room next to me...
the man i love spending my days with...
the man who sees my worst side...
the man who makes me laugh wildly at his random goofiness...
that man, my josh is a gift from above

i cannot imagine my days without him.
therefore, i will make the most of the days we do have.
my heart is burning with a passionate love from God for josh.
tonight, more than most nights, i am incredibly grateful.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

the melody in a scream.

"Sometimes I cuss in my conversations with God.
When I’m at the end of it all…

And you know what?
I think that He hears a melody in those screams that He never hears on a Sunday morning.
The melody of authenticity in pain is so much better than an inauthentic melody of praise on a Sunday morning.

HE will comfort you.
And HE will sing with you.
So don’t be scared to sing in your screams, ragamuffins.
Your haunting melody is music to His ears."

taken from [carlos whittaker]

if there was ever a season of life where this resonated with me,
it's this current season of life.
this haunting melody inside of me screams so loud i wonder how He hears me.
i wear myself out, i wear josh's a miracle, a true miracle i don't wear Him out.

in the midst of some shitty circumstances, a gentle Voice comes and reminds me that giving up isn't the easier option...but pressing on and believing in things to come will sustain my heart in a way that giving up and forgetting never could. here's to trusting that these crazy days are but a season.