Thursday, June 10, 2010

urgency & the wind.

written word is an expression that is completely unique to that one person. it's an honest look at what they think, what they may be feeling, what they seek or desire.

act of putting pen to paper encourages pause for thought, this in turn makes us think more deeply about life..."

i agree with this. writing makes me slow down, makes me think about what is going on...makes me think about the deeper things that are going on in my head, heart, mind, marriage, friendships.

confession: i have avoided writing lately for these reasons.

not wanting to face realities, not wanting to come to terms with the messy life that i call my own, not wanting to admit that sometimes weakness consumes me and that there are days where i can't seem to bring myself to look towards the Light because He's just too good. and then there are other days where i, with full force, look towards Him because He's just too good to look away from.

He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay, and He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm." psalm 40.2

i've been seeing this verse play itself out in a way that i've never experienced. i've been clumsily trying to figure out life on my own, with my own ways, my own strength. i have tried tried tried to be so self sufficient that it's made me a monster at times. in swoops God and shows me verses such as this. i made myself a pit, i placed myself in the clay and i cannot make it out alone. HE is setting myself feet upon a rock, HE is making my path firm.

my heart is realizing just how THANKFUL it should be...for God does not require my perfection. he does not require me to have it all together. he does not want me crap to disappear before i come to Him. i am weary and if i try to get rid of my dirt before i come to Him, i'll probably kill myself. so here i am. pretty much starting new. feeling like a small child, feeling inadequate but being filled with the knowledge and truth that not only does He accept me as i am, he DELIGHTS in me...he sings true love over me, day in and day out.

do you ever have moments when something just changes in you? those moments where life is going one way and then all of a sudden, sometimes literally in a split second, everything changes? God storms in and all is different.
josh and i had that moment last night...

we looked at each other and kind of just knew that life will look pretty different, pretty soon. it's almost as if an unrecognized BURDEN was lifted from us and God immediately replaced it with EXCITEMENT and JOY. we've walked this road before, but not together, not in marriage. so many things are still unknown but we do know that God is desiring to move. we do know the urgency behind Scripture like this.

we are starting down this road...with almost no concept of time, place or length but we're walking it...

because you know...
sometimes i just think God wants us to throw caution to the wind.

1 comment:

  1. dear dear julie. you are sometimes so uncannily accurate with your words and i know you're describing your heart but i swear it's mine : )
    i love you. i am excited for you : )