Wednesday, October 21, 2009

only you can take this heart.

i always find myself thinking about writing a blog.
but as you can all tell, it doesn't happen much.

josh and i seem to have a routine these days. i have a job now.
though we work very close to one another [about 5 minutes apart] we work quite a long distance from our home. we have about an hour round trip commute each day. josh starts work at 7am every morning so our days start early. he drives to work, i drive to the gym and then i drive to work. all in all, it works out nicely. we both get off work at 3pm so we have the late afternoon/evening to get things done. again, all in all, we like it.

thankfully our hours at work are filled with work and so our days pass quickly. i haven't ever felt as though my day at work has drug on. i'm sure that there will be a day when it happens but now i'm finding myself very grateful for the ease. and really, i shouldn't complain. amongst other things, i get to run errands and i get to bake/cook. it's practically a dream job.

almost 2 weeks ago we went to British Columbia for [canadian] thanksgiving. i had never been to BC but after visiting, i hope to go back soon. even if just for the beautiful drive to/from. it's about 6-6.5 hours but let me tell you, the scenery makes the time pass fast.

- - - davison apple orchard plus lots of pumpkins - - -

- - - evening sunset from josh's aunt and uncles house - - -

his family hosted a wedding reception for us. it was nice to meet a lot of joshs extended family as well as catch up with those i already knew. we also celebrated thanksgiving with like 25 other people. for those of you who are wondering, a canadian thanksgiving looks exactly like an american one (:

i have been sick for the past two days so it's been home central for me. i haven't left the house or even gone outside for a while. i'm feeling a bit better this afternoon so maybe tonight josh and i will take a walk. i should get out.

we finally bought a vacuum this weekend. our little home had been in a state of 'YUCK' for quite a while now. i busted it out of its box earlier today, assembled it and vacuumed. it makes me feel better to have clean floors. it was seriously nasty. [thank you to those who generously gave at the BC wedding allowed us to buy a vacuum!!]

though i knew it'd be a process, finding a church is harder than expected. we aren't out to find perfection, we know that would be a ridiculous and impossible mission. we just want to find a home in a community that loves the Lord and others, cares about social justice and desires to become less in the presence of the Living God. we are still trusting that it'll come. we just can't give up. we can't give up, we can't give up. [i will say that one church made a good impression on us...all thanks for their subtle jokes about joel osteen (: ]

josh gets off of work in about 15 minutes, which means he should get home in about 45 minutes. i'm hoping to hang up some pictures tonight. we keep talking about doing it but it hasn't happened yet. tonight though. i put pictures in table top frames this morning. it was a good start.

on a more personal, slightly deeper level, i want to talk about forgiveness and grace. never before, and i mean
never before have i learned so much about these two things than i have in marriage with joshua. the other night, after a terrible disagreement, we sat there, cuddling and talking about what had just happened, and we both were at such a state of brokenness. we were broken before one another but also [and even more so] before the Lord. how ugly our humans hearts can quickly we judge and desperately we need grace as apart of our daily lives. we can treat each other so ugly and yet, somehow, in the mix of things, we find true forgiveness and acceptance.

the whole point is this: if josh and i, two needy and prideful beings, are able to come to terms and understand just a
glimpse of forgiveness, how much more must the forgiveness of the Lord be. how much deeper. higher. longer. wider. how much more have we wronged Him. how much deeper have we betrayed Him. how much wider have we made the gap between us and Him? but oh how He forgives. He forgives and He looooves.

marriage puts so many things about the heart of God into a different perspective. this intense love i have for josh will never come close to the
even more intense love the Lord has for us, His lost and prideful children. oh the many lessons to be learned in this thing called marriage.

i'm sure i've said it before and i'm sure i'll be saying it again but it's truly the hardest and best thing i've ever been in/experienced. i'm so committed to this marriage that we've been brought into and i am so committed to being a faithful and loving wife. it takes time and so much effort but if Gods promises are true [and i believe they are] I'm not alone.

babe, i love you (:

- - - thanksgiving afternoon - - -


  1. That work scenario sounds awesome! And yay for learning and growing with each other. Ah, marriage...

  2. I do hope you're able to find a church that you enjoy. If it makes you feel any better (it could also just freak you out?) Rachel and I still haven't found one we're completely content with here in KC. We thought we had but we're not so sure. Good luck with your search and I hope things continue to go well for both of you.

  3. My thoughts and prayers are with you both as you search for a church together. It is a much more difficult task than I ever imagined, but when you find it, it will be wonderful. Marriage :) it is a blessing, it is work, it can be tough, but undeniably beautiful and full of love. He brings us to it and leads us through it! hugs!~Beka

  4. julie. thank you for your openness and real-ness with the blog world. your words about marriage and love are a challenge and inspiration :)

  5. dear julie,
    you are going to laugh at me, but i have been "trying" to write you for several months now. back in the summer i was going to handwrite you a letter, congratulating you on your wedding because i was so sad i had to miss it (it looked amazing!) and then i realized i don't have your new address in calgary and then i tried to look for it and then i tried to find even just your email address and i didn't just want to write a post on your blog congratulating you on your wedding because i wanted to do it the right way so i tried calling your old cell phone number which isn't working obviously and then i tried to get kerrie to find out your address for me and be sneaky but then she said your phone date got cancelled and then you already wrote on my blog so i had to respond. i am so sorry i am congratulating you this way, and that that was such a long sentence. if you would be so kind, i would love to get you all's address so that i can write you! i was so sad to miss the wedding, but i have loved reading your blog and getting to hear a little about you and josh's new life together. okay you can laugh at me all you want now, sending you love :)

  6. i recently read a book called "sacred marriage" and the premise of it is basically that God didn't design marriage expressly to make us happy, but to make us holy--refining us through this relationship with a spouse. i highly recommend it. :)