the real voice

i'm still reading a million miles in a thousand years. and i am still enjoying it so so much. this morning, bright and early, i read this and my heart knew it's words too well.

"the real Voice is stiller and smaller and seems to know, without confusion, the difference between right and wrong and the subtle delineation between the beautiful and profane. it's not an agitated Voice, but ever patient as though it approves a million false starts. the Voice i'm talking about is a deep water of calming wisdom and says ...hold your tongue; don't talk about that person that way; forgive the friend you haven't talked to; don't look at that woman as a possession; i want to show you the sunset; look and see how short life is and how your troubles are not worth worrying about..."

josh and i had an argument last night and it was ridiculous. not because i felt misunderstood or that he didn't care about me or my feelings. it was ridiculous because the fight was stupid. in the midst of our frustrations i said something along the lines of "this is absolutely stupid. we sound like effing toddlers" patience had gone out the window and even though what we were talking about wasn't worth anyones discussion, we kept going.

finally, we grew up 20 years, we stopped bickering and my husband, in an effort to get me to smile, offered me a christian side hug [please see this video]. i never thought it was possible but the offer for a pure christian side hug [while laying side by side in bed] healed the past 10 minutes of conflict (:

i tell that story to come back to the quoted paragraph. God knows, without any hint of confusion, right and wrong. he does not get agitated with us but his patience endures even through the worst of our pits. my humanness has never been so clearly told than in the story of our marriage. my mind blurs right and wrong. it confuses beauty with justification. it mixes up patience with stupidity.

but in all of this, one thing remains, when i fail - He prevails.
in my impatience and stubbornness, His hand is all over my heart, calling me to be still...
to be still and know that my husband is a gift.
to be still and know that i don't need to be right.
to be still and know that i am LOVED.
to be still and know that i am so much to be thankful for.
to be still and know that he is God.

- - -

it's friday morning. that means that tomorrow is saturday. that means i go to the gym and take another kick butt fitness class.
but [yay!!] that also means that i get to search my favorite baking blogs to find the perfect recipe for the afternoon.
i'll gather my things in the kitchen and turn on the music, tell my husband i love him and then i'll get to work.
i'll keep you updated on what unfolds in our little green kitchen.

here is something i made the other day.
they taste better a day or two after than they did the day of.
also. i think i baked them a few minutes too long.







do you see that brown sugar GOODNESS?!
i could eat a whole bowl of that stuff if my stomach allowed.
i have to be quick to take it out and quick to put it away when i bake...
other it'd be gone.






have a good day, world. i'll let you know about my baking escapades later (:

to know Him.

i'm reading a book right now by c.s. lewis entitled, surprised by joy.
only on page 39 but so far so good. as i was reading tonight [with my hubby reading next to me] something caught my attention.

he was sharing various stories from his childhood...more specifically from the first school he attended in england. he said he had his first metaphorical conversation there. they were debating where the future is like a line we can't see or if it's like a line that hasn't been drawn.

when i read that, i stopped. and thought. what did i think the future was like? at first my mind went to the fact that i suppose there are Biblical passages that could support both sides but then kind of came to the quick conclusion that i didn't necessarily care which answer was "right". what i was going after was "what do i think about this?

lately josh and i have found ourselves having many conversations about the future...about what kind of life we're comfortable living and what kind of life would probably make us think twice. we come up with no solid answers. [i think i am thankful for this] the way our hearts think and the way our lives have been lived, we have a hard time grasping the idea of 'settling down'.

we are fully confident that the Lord does call some of His children to 'remain' but what the Lord has showed us and taught us in the past years is that He wants us to go. not to escape life here, not to travel for the sake of traveling, not to work overseas to look like a good person but to GO because he's clearly called us. because in a way, His glory is dependent on his children.

"all of life comes down to just one thing
and that’s to know You, oh Jesus,
and make You known"

because friends...to know Him is to love him.



we are searching and we are praying. things are brewing.
we are waiting. anticipating the Lord is going to do great things.

will our feet end up here?

one more time.

here is to blogging more frequently.

valentines started a day early for me. i had found a recipe for skinny red velvet cupcakes on one of my trusty food blogs and i thought it'd be perfect for valentines day! [did you know that one piece of normal, from scratch red velvet cakes is close to 24 weight watcher points?! that's practically points for the entire day! YIKES] so with josh watching the olympics [and with me sneaking a peak from the kitchen every once in a while] i went at it on saturday evening.

nice and colorful and quite festive for the holiday of red and pink! however, must to my disappointment, they didn't turn out quite as nice as i had hoped. whether it's the recipe or my error or perhaps just too high of expectations [though Gina hasn't ever failed me before so i'm leaning towards it being by fault] the color separated [pink on top, brown on the bottom] and they weren't sweet. thankfully my husband is a sucker for cream cheese frosting so once i put a bit on each cupcake, he found them to be good. how? i don't know. i'm still sulking over my failed attempt.

-they look decent though, eh?-

i was awoken around 7:30am on valentines day by josh getting out of bed. he kissed me on the cheek and said he was going to make me breakfast and i should just go back to sleep and he'd wake me when it was ready. about an hour or so later, i wake up and wander out to this...

he'd made me strawberry filled chocolate crepes, went out and got me a bouquet of flowers along with a single rose to represent our first valentines day together and also picked up some of my favorite coffee [transferred to my travel mug]. pretty nice, huh? we laid around watching the olympics and talking about random things. it was a nice morning!

i started jillian michaels 30 day shred last week and since i hadn't worked out on saturday, i did levels one AND two and thought i was going to collapse. haaaard work. josh did some of the workout with me too. funny (:

we decided to get ready and go out to lunch at Pita Pit and then walk around that area of town. very cute, very modern, very nice. it was right near downtown too.

josh made dinner for us too! steak. mashed potatoes [his favorite] green beans. whole wheat baguette. yum. i was craving something sweet and yummy and as i expressed earlier, my cupcakes were not going to satisfied so i decided to make something else! chocolate bottom banana squares it was!

it wassss yummy and it didddd hit the spot! and i healthified the original recipe and cut almost 1000 calories!! sometimes that works out and sometimes it does not. i'm GLAD it worked this time!

tonight for dinner i made chili! extra lean ground beef (:

here are our bowls to start:

here are our bowls soon after:

[andddd decided i wanted a biscuit. so i made them. from scratch.]

here we are. 6:15pm and done with dinner and time to relax.
watching the olympics and probably snacking on the chocolate bottom banana squares.
decent evening i'd say (:


oh. and we rearranged our living room the other day. we like it.
our home may not be extravagant but it is our HOME and we love it here.

enjoy the rest of your week blog world. i hope something unexpected and happy happens.

it's a winding road.

when i listen to the theme from the movie indecent proposal [which i have never actually seen] i feel as though the story of my life is being set to music. and perhaps that's a bit of a dramatic thought but the song, from the very first time my ears heard it, has influenced me to dig deeper into this story that i'm in. this story is my life.

i'm reading donald millers latest book, a million miles in a thousand years, and he's currently diving deep into what 'makes' a story. what are the concepts that are required to form a story and even a little bit further...what is it that's required for a good story.

he discusses a couple of thoughts but then he brings up this poignant thought:

"if the point of life is the same as the point of a story, the point of life is character transformation." [page 68]

if the point of life is character transformation then i've been going through one intense story the past six months. my life was flipped upside down when i walked down that aisle and married the man i love. we got married, we spent 6 days in florida. we came back, packed my stuff up and i moved to canada. new city. new church. none of my friends. none of my family. new new new.

all of this to say this: while the outside life i was living was obviously changing, the transformation happening within was hardcore. i have been stretched and i have been challenged. i learned what it means to persevere in the trials that are set before me.

moments of profound sadness and loneliness were coupled with moments of such extraordinary joy and wholeness with the man i love. it has been a gray season. darkness and light have had a strange relationship in my heart.

this life as a new wife has been crazier than i ever thought. using the words of a facebook friends status:

i can be such a monster to josh. so humiliating when it's over. i need the fruits of the spirit.

in the many many many ways i feel i have failed over and over and over, this man who stood before me and committed his life to mine has upheld his end of the bargain so well. his gentleness is astonishing. i am digging more into what a tender wife looks like and praying for Jesus' sweet revolution of love in my heart. i need Him in His FULLNESS to come and mess up my heart and transform. i seek and desire to know peace in all circumstances.

it's been 6 months and 5 days since i said "i do" to josh.
we have both failed. we have both triumphed.
now, more than ever, i am absolutely committed to...

putting aside my expectations and replacing them with joy because God has given me a gift...a husband who would lay down his life for mine.
putting aside my inpatience and replacing it with humility because the Lord loves me and my husband loves me.
putting all of my ridiculous comments and replacing them with a gentle spirit because i know that huge plank in my own eyes still exists.

ephesians 4.31

josh and i have been trying to go through the book of matthew because our hearts want to have a deeper understand of who Jesus was and what He did and how He moved and what He has called us to do. we believe that God is once again stirring up plans for us to 'go' and serve. there is a sense of urgency in our hearts but we understand that it must be coupled with the will of the Sovereign One.

if we're going to go and serve and love and be the hands and feet [oh what a humbling call...] we need to know the Scriptures. thank you Jesus for putting desires on our hearts. without them, we'd be so lost.

i'm all of a sudden feeling quite done with writing tonight.
but this is more than i've accomplished in quite some time.
leave your comments. i always enjoy reading them. and i also enjoy being linked to your blog and probably your friends and their friends and so on. josh makes fun of me for reading random peoples blogs but come on...we all do it. i think? (:

i'll leave you with some pictures from the past month and a half.

many blessings friends.

new years eve 2009

my sister ashley and i


josh gained a wife and his first sister on august 7th.


happy 6 months babe


what a blessing he is to me.



"beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another."
1 john 4.11

i am learning.

"give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus"
1 thes 5.18



i have obviously been lacking at blogging.
i don't have anything planned for tomorrow.
hopefully i'll be writing.

blessings.

it's hard.

i am breaking breaking breaking over what is happening in haiti.
josh and i watch the news and we pray pray pray but there is just such a pain.

pain for what happened.
pain for what is happening.

i see the humanity of the news reporters when they break down and cry.
i see the humanity in them when i hear their tone change from standard news to frustration.

i know it's much bigger than what i can see but
why can't medical supplies get to those who need it??
my heart is breaking for all of these preventable deaths.


http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/201001u/haiti-trafficking

that article breaks my heart. but it's not just now. it's not just there.
for many years now, trafficking all over the world has ripped my heart into hundreds of pieces.

so many children around the world are bought and sold.
so many children around the world are left alone; orphaned.
so many rich westerners turn their eyes away because it's easier.

oh God that we would ACT according to what your WORD says.
let us not turn away but let us run into the heat of the battle and FIGHT for your children.

the Lord is gracious and slow to anger.
He hears all of those who call upon Him - He hears them and saves them.

we are hearing the Lord ask that oh so heart pounding question..
whom shall i send? who will go for me?
josh and i are answering send us.


we are praying. we are being stirred. we'll keep you updated.

i hope you're able to look beyond yourself today.
there is a world out there that is full of beauty.
sometimes it's a heartbreak but there is still so much beauty.

light in the dark

ikea christmas tree

i work out so i can carry trees.

the dog gives hugs.

lights. camera. action.

jingle bells on the tree.

decorated!

close up.

pre-Christmas party on 12-12-09




we've been married just over 4 months now.
what. a. whirlwind.

[obviously] i've never experienced anything like marriage.
i feel like i've said it before but it's truly one of the most challenging things i've ever experienced. but don't be fooled. the challenge is what makes it beautiful. i have never seen such a clear picture of what reconciliation looks like. the conflicts are hard but when our relationship is restored, it's such a deep feeling of love and commitment. yesterday was such a difficult day for josh and i but at the end of the day when we were saying good night to one another i realized that because of the trials of the day, i had fallen deeper in love with the man in front of me.

marriage is such a wake up call...makes me realize how much the Lord forgives us.
two words: "yikes" and "grace"



josh and i travel to kansas in exactly two weeks. i cannot tell you just how excited i am for this to be happening in such a short time. i need this trip. i need to be surrounded by those who i know and love and those who know and love me. when you find yourself lacking community, the need for it really hits you hard.

josh and i have been doing so much talking and dreaming about life and the future.
where we'll be. what we'll do. who we'll be with. will small humans be with us?
calgary is not a permanent place for us. we knew that when we moved here.
it's a temporary place for us and i think we're BOTH looking forward to the next season.

have i mentioned that it's COLD here? if not, let me share. it's COLD.
wind chill lately [and today] is close to -30 fahrenheit.
you know what i hate most about the cold? it's not the limbs going numb or anything.
it's how everything in your nose just BAM. freezes instantly. gross.

christmas is in less than 2 weeks.
here's to focusing on baby Jesus and the live He grew up and lived.
what a beautiful life.

"this is the message we have heard from Him and announce to you:
that God is light and in Him there is no darkness"
1 john 1:5

time after time, i fail at following this light.
oh gosh. i need God's grace.


i hope the holidays find you well.
may we all come to a greater understanding of
peace and love and grace and hope and joy.

love, julie

trilogy.

my husband is an avid switchfoot listener. their new album released yesterday. so you better believe that as soon as we got off of work yesterday, we hit up HMV and bought it. he was so excited.

we decided to take the long way home [nixed the highway, opted for downtown] and of course our ears were filled with the newest sounds of switchfoot.

i've never been a HUGE switchfoot fan but i do appreciate their music, their lyrics. one of their songs on the new album is called 'your love is a song'...i highly recommend you listen to it. you can find it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=af-iOOWsK3s

i just watched a snippet of a video on youtube that explained this song. jon foreman explained that this song is the third part of a trilogy. the first song was let your love be strong. the second song was your love is strong and now there is this song, your love is a song. he said it's about the concept of grace that he just can't get through his thick skull. you're not alone jon, you're not alone.

" "oh your love is a symphony, all around me, running through me your love is a melody, underneath me, running to me" "

on this journey i'm on to memorize 1 john in it's entirety, these lyrics are an encouragement to me. this Love is enough. this Love is enough. this Love is enough. his words are more than worthy to be memorized and put into practice. His love over me a sweet and beautiful song. And His grace is sufficient. [and dear Lord, i will need your grace to memorize these holy words in 1 john. in your grace, expand my ability to learn them...both in my head as well as my actions]


[today we painted our own christmas decorations]

it's 9:03pm. our day is done. we're turning in for the night.
goodnight moon.

julie

to know Him.

i'm reading a book right now by c.s. lewis entitled, surprised by joy.
only on page 39 but so far so good. as i was reading tonight [with my hubby reading next to me] something caught my attention.

he was sharing various stories from his childhood...more specifically from the first school he attended in england. he said he had his first metaphorical conversation there. they were debating where the future is like a line we can't see or if it's like a line that hasn't been drawn.

when i read that, i stopped. and thought. what did i think the future was like? at first my mind went to the fact that i suppose there are Biblical passages that could support both sides but then kind of came to the quick conclusion that i didn't necessarily care which answer was "right". what i was going after was "what do i think about this?

lately josh and i have found ourselves having many conversations about the future...about what kind of life we're comfortable living and what kind of life would probably make us think twice. we come up with no solid answers. [i think i am thankful for this] the way our hearts think and the way our lives have been lived, we have a hard time grasping the idea of 'settling down'.

we are fully confident that the Lord does call some of His children to 'remain' but what the Lord has showed us and taught us in the past years is that He wants us to go. not to escape life here, not to travel for the sake of traveling, not to work overseas to look like a good person but to GO because he's clearly called us. because in a way, His glory is dependent on his children.

"all of life comes down to just one thing
and that’s to know You, oh Jesus,
and make You known"

because friends...to know Him is to love him.



we are searching and we are praying. things are brewing.
we are waiting. anticipating the Lord is going to do great things.

will our feet end up here?

only you can take this heart.

i always find myself thinking about writing a blog.
but as you can all tell, it doesn't happen much.

josh and i seem to have a routine these days. i have a job now.
though we work very close to one another [about 5 minutes apart] we work quite a long distance from our home. we have about an hour round trip commute each day. josh starts work at 7am every morning so our days start early. he drives to work, i drive to the gym and then i drive to work. all in all, it works out nicely. we both get off work at 3pm so we have the late afternoon/evening to get things done. again, all in all, we like it.

thankfully our hours at work are filled with work and so our days pass quickly. i haven't ever felt as though my day at work has drug on. i'm sure that there will be a day when it happens but now i'm finding myself very grateful for the ease. and really, i shouldn't complain. amongst other things, i get to run errands and i get to bake/cook. it's practically a dream job.

almost 2 weeks ago we went to British Columbia for [canadian] thanksgiving. i had never been to BC but after visiting, i hope to go back soon. even if just for the beautiful drive to/from. it's about 6-6.5 hours but let me tell you, the scenery makes the time pass fast.



- - - davison apple orchard plus lots of pumpkins - - -


- - - evening sunset from josh's aunt and uncles house - - -

his family hosted a wedding reception for us. it was nice to meet a lot of joshs extended family as well as catch up with those i already knew. we also celebrated thanksgiving with like 25 other people. for those of you who are wondering, a canadian thanksgiving looks exactly like an american one (:

i have been sick for the past two days so it's been home central for me. i haven't left the house or even gone outside for a while. i'm feeling a bit better this afternoon so maybe tonight josh and i will take a walk. i should get out.

we finally bought a vacuum this weekend. our little home had been in a state of 'YUCK' for quite a while now. i busted it out of its box earlier today, assembled it and vacuumed. it makes me feel better to have clean floors. it was seriously nasty. [thank you to those who generously gave at the BC wedding reception...you allowed us to buy a vacuum!!]

though i knew it'd be a process, finding a church is harder than expected. we aren't out to find perfection, we know that would be a ridiculous and impossible mission. we just want to find a home in a community that loves the Lord and others, cares about social justice and desires to become less in the presence of the Living God. we are still trusting that it'll come. we just can't give up. we can't give up, we can't give up. [i will say that one church made a good impression on us...all thanks for their subtle jokes about joel osteen (: ]

josh gets off of work in about 15 minutes, which means he should get home in about 45 minutes. i'm hoping to hang up some pictures tonight. we keep talking about doing it but it hasn't happened yet. tonight though. i put pictures in table top frames this morning. it was a good start.

on a more personal, slightly deeper level, i want to talk about forgiveness and grace. never before, and i mean never before have i learned so much about these two things than i have in marriage with joshua. the other night, after a terrible disagreement, we sat there, cuddling and talking about what had just happened, and we both were at such a state of brokenness. we were broken before one another but also [and even more so] before the Lord. how ugly our humans hearts can be...how quickly we judge and accuse...how desperately we need grace as apart of our daily lives. we can treat each other so ugly and yet, somehow, in the mix of things, we find true forgiveness and acceptance.

the whole point is this: if josh and i, two needy and prideful beings, are able to come to terms and understand just a glimpse of forgiveness, how much more must the forgiveness of the Lord be. how much deeper. higher. longer. wider. how much more have we wronged Him. how much deeper have we betrayed Him. how much wider have we made the gap between us and Him? but oh how He forgives. He forgives and He looooves.

marriage puts so many things about the heart of God into a different perspective. this intense love i have for josh will never come close to the even more intense love the Lord has for us, His lost and prideful children. oh the many lessons to be learned in this thing called marriage.

i'm sure i've said it before and i'm sure i'll be saying it again but it's truly the hardest and best thing i've ever been in/experienced. i'm so committed to this marriage that we've been brought into and i am so committed to being a faithful and loving wife. it takes time and so much effort but if Gods promises are true [and i believe they are] I'm not alone.


babe, i love you (:

- - - thanksgiving afternoon - - -